Dreams...

Breathe deep the gathering gloom
Watch lights fade from every room
Bedsitter people look back and lament
Another day's useless energy spent

Impassioned lovers wrestle as one
Lonely man cries for love and has none
New mother picks up and suckles her son
Senior citizens wish they were young

Cold hearted orb that rules the night
Removes the colors from our sight
Red is grey and yellow white
But we decide which is right
And which is an illusion?


Just as the Night's in White Satin/Late Lament of the Moody Blues state, is quite difficult to know what's the true colour of what we see, plus what is an illusion?

We are the ones that decide which is right, is what I've been thinking of lately. Perhaps, just perhaps the world in which we live in is the real dream, while the time which we spend sleeping is actually the true reality. There's also the possibility, that just as Buddhism states, everything is in fact a dream, both this reality and the one we project when we go sleeping.
That's one of the fascinating things about the film Inception, anyone remembers the "Dream inside a dream concept"? Well it's pratically this of what I'm talking about. We spend most of our lives worrying about this material reality in which we appareantly live in, when there's trully no reason for worrying about it.

The whole subject about dreaming is quite complex to be spoken of in just a single article, so this is among such ideas that I want to keep recurrent in this blog, talking about the dreaming world once in a while.

For me there are two kind of dreams: There's the Alpha Dream (no relation whatsoever to Alpha waves, just a term I have just invented for this) and the Zeta Dream (again no relation with the waves)

Alpha Dream: This is the kind of dream for me that has shaped humanity as it is. The Alpha Dream is the element used for getting people into working as slaves, and living a life they don't want simply because there's the promise that if they keep insisting, they will eventually achieve that dream. This was used by Edward Berneys to create the career of Public Relations, and eventually to impulsate the Society of Consume. In which the human is a slave, as he is sold a dream or pursuit, dream in which in most of the occassions he cannot manage to achieve. This has survived to our day still, all the people wanting "to make it big in Hollywood" or to not go so far away, just of the person that decides to study Business management thinking he'll be the boss in a multinational, when in reality it will at least pass a decent amount of decades before that can get to happen.
Well, even though the Alpha Dream is the favorite concept to manipulate the masses by the Media, that's not entirely its origin. Also, the Alpha Dream isn't necessarilly evil, in the long run through obsession it can cause the biggest misery, but in moderation its the main source of motivation. This lead us to the old myth about Pandora's Box, and the hypothesis that foreseen is a curse, because if we were able to see the future in a completely rational and crude way, then probably we would lose all motivation to exist, and therefore we would perish. Human needs hope even if its fake, as a pretext to live!
Our Alpha Dreams invite us to want to be more than what we currently are now, to escape from the uncomfortable situation in which many times we feel ourselves trapped, its the idea that for us there's a redemption and a victory at the end of the road. Most times it won't materialize, but even in the darkest hour, there's the Alpha Dream full of hedonism that since in this place we couldn't get to be triumphant, we surely will on the other side, be it heaven or eventually a reeincarnation.

The Zeta Dream is that which is not ordinary, but common. The one we usually experience on hundreds of numbers every single night when we go to sleep. Many times it can be connnected to the Alpha Dream, in fact it can be our door for realizing the Alpha Dream in a minimized level when we go to sleep. When this happens and we wake our from that sweet atmosphere, we feel frustrated and it spoils at least a part of the morning. Sometimes Zeta dreams are completely random to our conscient and are things we think to believe that we havent seen, felt, aspire, etc;
They're not random at all actually, everything has a reason to be. Whether the reason is that dreams are a tool to forseen the future, windows of escape to the frustrated unconscious, I don't honestly know.


What can you do when both your Alpha and Zeta dreams are in your every single day of life? well, this is what has been happening of me lately. I'm using tools such as meditation and relaxation in order to keep them in the "motivating" level, preventing them to go higher. I believe that when dreams grow inside you, when they incept, they give you a bigger and majestous sight of all things. You suddenly realize things werent what you thought they were, however it comes for a price as well. Price being the crystal of rationality that starts to break, and therefore organization of ideas such as time and space that start to vanish. I question myself, where am I? am I trully in Bogotá? perhaps I'm in Prague and I haven't realized? or maybe I have never existed, and as some waves say this is the All, experiencing the recreation of human life?

Even though its risky, and sanity at a point can be on risk, I think that is fun to see things this way. For I believe that if I had decided since many months ago to experience everything from the solely rational point of view, out of any dream dislogic, then perhaps, just perhaps.. I would be feeling quite terrible right now.

I'm thinking of it on the same scheme as the Thyroid gland. Let's say that if a person has low levels of calcium, or a slow metabolism, the mind will give the order to that gland to accelerate the production of calcium. The mind is so strong, that at a point the gland can become crazy and start creating calcium all the time, that's when the hyperthiroidism appears. The contrary happens on the case of Hypothyroidism.
With the mind itself, happens the same. When our reality is filled with crude rationalism, we will eventually escape to our own garden of surrealism. ALL OF THIS IS DONE, WITHOUT THE "HELP" OF ANY DRUG, NONE OTHER THAN THE FEELING!

This concept exists both in Homeotheraphy as in Chinese Medicine. It parts from the principle that a disorder of fire (too much fire) will unleash as an excess of water. Obviously, it goes on the other way around as well.

Talking about dreams, the moment for me to go to sleep and to experience some nice Zeta dreams has come. I wonder, where will I be tonight? Perhaps at a Ball in a Palace? maybe in a forest surrounded by lakes? or maybe, I will wake up and realize that all of this, even writing in this blog was actually the dream, not the reality.

"Once upon a time, I, Chuang Chou, dreamt I was a butterfly, fluttering hither and thither, to all intents and purposes a butterfly. I was conscious only of my happiness as a butterfly, unaware that I was Chou. Soon I awaked, and there I was, veritably myself again. Now I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly, dreaming I am a man"

Zhuangzi

Hello world!

Well after been thinking for a while about opening a blog or not, I have come to the decision  to do it so. In the past I have made a couple of blogs, first one being about cinema and arts in general, while the second was more about politics, society, and enigmas. Both blogs died quite quickly as I lost the motivation to write pretty soon.  This time around I want to promise myself of holding a blog at least for some good years, and to share with the world my life, feelings and thoughts. Even though this time around I will be still covering topics such as arts, and also politics, culture and society, my main goal is simply to talk about the daily life of you and me. 

The blog is born as a concept after all I have lived in the period regarding the last 24 months of my life. So many changes ocurred during this period of time that I even had quite the uncomfortable experience of Mademoiselle La Mort flirting with me for some weeks a year ago. Life is a circle in which basically what you do is to wait for the next tide to come. The thing is, where can that tide take you to? perhaps to a paradise, or maybe to the depths of the Ocean (subconscious)? will the tide be a glorious source of water that fills your life with happiness, or will it be a tsunami that breaks completely the structure you had created of yourself? From my ego, the idea that my life is an opera sprouts quite repeatedly from time to time. Am I exaggerating and over-emphasizing on my own being? or just perhaps, we conceive life as we want to? for some it can be a thriller, for others an action film, for others a comedy, in my case I see mine like an opera, most likely one from Mozart.

For example, until this day no doctor in either side of the world has been able to tell me exactly what happened to my kidneys. One day, one is walking with friends during midnight in the middle of a winter full of festivities, feeling guilty of living a banal life. On the next, suddenly witness with my own eyes how all the shallowness vanishes quicker than the sunlight during winter, and all that is left is the heartbeat... That's right, now I understand fully the concept of one of my most beloved albums, Pink Floyd's Darkside of The Moon. From the banalities of drinks, parties, socializing, luxuries, etc. Up to the "serious stuff" such as school, visa status, business, etc. NONE OF THESE EXISTS! The existance is reduced to the equilibrium between Alkaline and Acid. Just one small imbalance, and the heartbeat would stop. Life is the mathematical equation between different elements, is that alchemy of which not many know... People supposedly healthy worry about the numbers in their bank account, when the numbers that count are in their interior. The moment you find yourself praying or just wishing for some numbers to go down or up, is when you realize that "there's no darkside of the moon really, a matter of fact its all dark" while you hear that heartbeat. 

Even though what I lived was trully terrible, and is something that I don't wish even to my worst enemy, I must confess that in a way it helped me.

   "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" Friedrich Nietzche.

So right was he! Not only physically, but also mentally and spiritually. Making me much more confident of what I want.. Even though Prague was the materialization of all ideas I love, it was also the materialization of what I fear and dislike. During the 6 months I lived there I felt the duality in its most strongest way, much more than I had ever felt before. How many times did I question myself while walking somewhere in the Mesto, how was it possible that the city of kings, nobles, alchemists, intellectuals, martyrs, and artists was now converted into an attraction consisting maily in beer and hookers?  I didn't travel 11,000 km to live in a fucking medieval theme park full of McDonald's, was my thought during many occassions. 

Don't get me wrong, as I said previously, Prague was also the materialization of many things that I love in humanity.  I will be forever grateful towards life for those occassions on which I would walk in the Stare Mesto through those small passages, picturing myself in a distant era... not to count with the marvelous classical music concerts I assisted to in the Obecní Dum, to the classical guitar events at Zlateho Melounu, and the operas in Statní Opera, and a couple of theaters as well. And sure.. the beer is also fabulous when is part of a nice conversation about culture, arts, or such. What can be better than a cold Staropramen while sharing such conversations with friends? However I'm afraid that the lower densities have a much more magnetic effect than the higher ones, and it is for so that without realizing, slowly but surely I found myself been dragged into the ordinarity without realizing. Its not that I don't like parting, but simply that I think partying is good when there's a decent reason for doing so... What in the beginning was a nice occassion for sharing some good time while listening some nice music, was turning more and more into the "cannot miss this weekend" event of being with friends at a night club, while acting as a wolf and searching for a prey... Oh what a lovely atmosphere full of lust that was... along practically all men at the places I would check up every single girl that would enter or leave. I was acting like this simply because I had fallen in love with the wrong person, and had come to the conclusion that in this way I would forget easily and such. It's the old tale promoted in our times that lust can cure any love stupidity. I didn't like it deep within me, but yet I found myself repeating it over and over. Even to the absurd point of going to latin american night clubs sometimes, which was beyond stupidity considering that here in my Colombia I go once in a blue moon to such places, why would I do so far, in the plain meltic pot between Germanic and Slavic Europe? After watching "Midnight in Paris" last year here in Bogotá, I felt identified with Owen Wilson's character in many ways. Just exchange Paris for Prague, and there you have it! Just as the protagonist, I felt I was in the right city, but perhaps at the wrong time. That was the feeling the streets used to sing me.

The turning point The dead of my grand father in plain Christmas Day during my trip to Krakow, the following visit of a Colombian friend, followed by the New Year's celebration, in the meantime of the coldest and darkest days of Winter, led me to reevaluate myself completely, and this time not only think but act. My grand pa had been for me my father in the complete absence of my genetic one, with his death while I was listening to Chopin while walking through Krakow at -22 degrees, my sould had a complete change, a change that would also lead me to take a complete different path to life. I realized that I'd always prefered to keep being the romantic person I am, instead of becoming a completely rational person that would go into taking in the future a job I would hate just for the sake of having some money, and banging some girls just for the sake of pleasure minutes. In the beginning of 2011 I suffered a big synchronicity (will explain meaning later) in my life. Woke up at 4:30 am in the middle of the night to accompany my friend to take his bus back to the airport for his flight to Hamburg, and then I went to "fix" a thing concerning my passport, supposedly it would be a simply burocratic thing, that actually turned out to be an appointment with destiny. Having to wait from 4:45 am up to 8:00 standing in the cold and darkness at about -8 degrees along some random Russian, Chinese, and Indian people, I thought what was I exactly doing there? For the first time during my whole life in Prague, I was missing Bogotá in those minutes, thinking about how contrary to my hometown, there was no Empanadas, Arepas con ají, Chocolate, or Agua Aromática to take while waiting for the damn office to be opened. Incredibly I was missing the street sellers from my city! I wouldnt have thought something like that would happen, if I they had told me I would. While the cold invaded my body, I felt irritated at the thought that in Europe everything is boring and conventional in the sense that everyone follows the rules, and that if I wanted to eat then I would have to go who knows where. There's no such thing as that lovely tinyspoon of Anarchy that exists in Colombia. Anyway, its very probable that the cold I suffered that day, which I later renamed as the "worst day of my life" was in fact the guilty actor of what happened to my kidneys. As when it was later discovered in March, the doctors found kidneys that had already shrunk. Since all inmuno-causes along with other diseases have been discarded as the cause (thank God) I firmly believe that the cold paralyzed the circulation to the kidneys, affecting arteries charged with the task of sending oxigened blood to my organs. After some weeks eventually, the lesser fluid of oxigen down there would have caused the death of million nephrons in each of the two. Without knowing, I was having a time bomb inside me. My new persona Back to January 2011, during those days after that event I started to feel an unexpected sleepiness during the day, which at that time I associated solely with pure lazyness. Just when I thought I had got over that crush that had begun on Autumn, and had met in the university a nice girl which caused me curiosity, is when a "flu" that I had got after going to "the most popular club in Prague" became stronger,. Just as I told to a Dutch friend, I was solely convinced of the fact that the evening spent at that night club would be the last time I would go to such a place. I had decided to put asides that kind of life, I was completely tired of meeting people at a night club just as confused as myself. All people going were going simply because of the same reason as me, they wanted to forget a crush they had either experienced some recent time ago, or even long ago. I wouldnt find happiness while going to such events, nor drinking, I wouldnt find entertainment in such kind of life. I threw it out of my life. I wanted to return back to my roots, to the simplicity of seeing a smile of my cats, or of eating a fruit picked in the park. Well, appareantly the unconscious took my decission quite seriously and also drastically, as after the flu became worse I ended up being hospitalized in the blink of an eye, later returning as a boomerang to Bogotá, and voila! the dream was over. About that girl I had met at the University... well by synchronicity I managed to encounter myself with her, close to Karluv Most along with her friends, on my last walk through the old town. It was that afternoon of Tuesday March 8th, 2011... after being released of the clinic and having lunch with my Czech friend, I asked him to leave me at the old town so I could walk over there one last time before leaving. What a solemn walk that it was.. seeing so many places that brought me flashes of vivid moments, of the emotion I even entered to a baby store to buy a teddy bear to remember the city hehe. And then while I was walking to the Church of the Divine Infant in Karmelitska Ulice, after crossing the bridge I saw her with her friends. They asked me what happened, well... I could barely answer as it was already a long story plus I was drugged with a high dosis of cortisone. That was the last time I knew of her, until I contacted her via facebook. God didnt abandon me, as what was followed of the medical chapter here in my country was quite heavy. Literally, I was flying on potassium at home after being released irresponsible from a clinic here in Bogotá. It was a wonderful miracle that the only symptom I got to suffer was extreme sleepiness, and tachycardia. But no other organ was affected, thank you God :-) Now many months have passed, and I look to those moments as a film getting old and rusty in my memory. I am who I am, I am Matteo, who loves nature, classical music, progressive rock, my cats, who believes in dreams, honour, loyalty, friendship, and most importantly in love. I see a world around me in which men influenced by action films and serials think all to be enjoyed out there are sports, alcohol and woman as sex objects, I see a world in which women influenced by Cosmopolitan and company admit and enjoy being sex objects. But you know what? Not everyone is like that, and even those that are like that, well fair play to you. For I respect but I don't share your views. In my view the love will always prevail, and the rest is an illussion. What's next? Well I don't know what's next. I expect the tides to cease, and enjoyable times to come ahead. I don't know where life will bring me, so that's why through this blog it'll be witnessed. Synchronicity + Luminosity The name in this blog comes from the union of these two words. Luminosity being the light that surrounds our day, the paradise that fulfills our soul and mind, finishing with the darkness of the rationality and the hyper realism. Synchronicity, first explained by Carl Jung is: ” the experience of two or more events that are apparently causally unrelated or unlikely to occur together by chance and that are observed to occur together in a meaningful manner. Synchronistic events reveal an underlying pattern, a conceptual framework that encompasses, but is larger than, any of the systems that display the synchronicity. Concurrent events that first appear to be coincidental but later turn out to be causally related are termed incoincident.” Everything in life is Synchronicity, we just cannot connect the dots in most of the occassions. Only through contemplation, and deeply watching what we spell in this world (say and write) is that we can understand the situation in which we are. Remember, the world is a Play and we're the actors! Well, this has been everything for now. It would be a honour if you accompany me through this blog for as time being. Blessings, Matteo